The importance of names

I am not particularly good with names. Or faces. The combination is disastrous, as I appear to be arrogant and indifferent, when in fact I just don't recall having met someone before. To compensate for this, I take no chances and smile to people who look the slightest familiar. Sometimes I realize that it was a comedian from TV or a well known politician that I have smiled to and greeted with great conviction. I am always impressed by people who seem to remember my name; I feel seen and valued. So when I started as a teacher a month ago, I took some effort in remembering everybody’s name. And what I found is that not only do I remember each person's name, but I feel closer and relate better. I genuinely like my students and care for them.

I also care for the two girls that Frank Spangler (photographer) and I made a documentary about three years ago. Far west in Cambodia, four hours on a bumpy road outside of Pursat, we had learned to know about the lives of two wonderful young girls, named Mean and San. After we made the documentary I told about the two girls in churches and schools in Norway. Mean and San became known to a lot of people.

Two years later Frank and I again visited the girls to make a follow up on the lives of the girls and their families. I know I can never assume what a culture is like, but I must admit I was a bit puzzled when we reached the village and asked for Mean and San, and people looked at us like they didn't understand who we were talking about. However, we directed the driver to one of the girls houses. The house was no longer there - the family had moved. And then we went to San's house. She was there! We greeted San, and she looked at us, a bit strange. To make a longer story shorter, it turned out that we had been using her last/family name as her first name, and now addressed her with her family name. The reason being that when we had asked her mother to write down her name two years earlier, she had written it as normal in Cambodia - the family name first.

Both Mean and San forgave us, and we still use their family names, but if I ever visit them again I will make an effort to learn their first names - because I think name matters.